Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve tried to get back to life and done a decent job at delivering on my work deadlines lately. Thanks everybody for your patience. I just have to say, though, I miss them.
I knew my brother for 43 years and I miss him the most. You could say I spent more time with him than any other person in my life. I was with him all through my childhood. In going through his things, my family found his little red jacket from when he was a child. In the right side, it has a hole in the pocket for his right hand because it wore through. When I saw the jacket last week, I broke down and was inconsolable.
Pictured above looks like a picture of us in Italy or France (I’m not sure) looks like 1979 or 1980. Sorry that the photo is black and white – our jackets are red – I had one just like his but smaller. David in the middle, me on the left, my dad on the upper left and my sister on the right. None of us picture perfect, but that was David in the jacket he wore with us all through Europe. He wore the jacket 1976 – 1980 and we toured Europe many, many times per year like that. I spent a lot of time, shoulder-to-shoulder with him as we went though Europe, touring in our white family car. Others of my family feel the same way and enjoy holding the jacket when we feel like we want to be near him.
We wept bitterly when we found the jacket that he had kept since he was a boy. In some ways, I can still hear his voice. It wasn’t long ago that he was just saying “hi” to me. DeDe had a higher voice and she was always asking how things were going, especially with the baby. Luke always had a story, full of interesting and accurate facts, with his voice inflected up at the end of his sentences, but in the last factual sentence, he would end it down (with a subtle sense of authority). Ryan was sometimes showing me that he was better than I, so we traded friendly barbs. Pretty confident for a 10 year old. Ryan loved babies most of all. He loved my daughter more than life itself. I really miss them…
Dear John what a nice sharing of moments you had with you brother and your entire family! I know when I found the jacket in the drawer and realized it was Davids I knew that it must have been special to him to save it all these years. I put it aside for your mother but when Catherine saw it she felt much like you did at seeing it. I know how you felt when you and Catherine shared that tearful moment remembering and I wanted to share it with you and hold you both in my arms, but felt it was a moment for just the two of you. (3 of you!) The day before yesterday I found an imprint in plaster of Luke’s hand when he was 1 year old, I cried when I saw that his little crooked finger showed up so clearly and then remembered how funny he thought it was when he could do things with his fingers (double jointed) then I could. I would love to have everything that they touched or wore and I would love to be able to surround myself with their belongings but this I know is impossible, so as Catherine and I discussed we will keep them in a safe place and we will take them out and smell them, embrace them and remember those that touched them and touched each of us.
I understood completely when you said you knew David best for you had known him all of your life, I felt this way about DeDe too, and in the beginning right after the accident I could not think of them individually but as a family. As time has gone on I have been able to grieve first for my DeDe and then for all and the love they shared and have left me with. I had thought the boys would be at the forefront of my thoughts and at times they are, it just depends on where my memories are at any given moment. They each have their extra special place in my heart! Our David was so dear to me too!
I have missed your messages and have known how busy you are, and also share the day to day moving forward with all as we continue to deal with our losses. I am thinking ahead to Mulege and know how much I will miss the family there, I will remember the boat trip out to the Sea of Cortez (David, Luke, Ryan and I) to catch fish for dinner. The boys were thrilled when they each hooked and reeled in a big one. Of course David was in the water under the boat…making sure there were fish there! Ha! The boys never noticed the little hole in the side of their catches and those were some of the best fish I ever ate. You can bet I’ll be trying to catch one while I’m there. Take care and continue with your special memories! Love to you! Linda
john,
you, cathryn, your parents and linda are in my thoughts everyday. i loved reading about david’s red coat. i feel like i remember seeing him in it way back then, or perhaps the emotion with which you wrote and the posted photo made it seem like a memory. of course you miss them beyond words.
when i heard the news of the crash, one of my early thoughts was how simultaneously brutal and poignant it would be for all of you to sort through their material lives. where the initial shock and the first month was a sprint, the first year is often like an ultra-marathon through grief. i’m sending you all courage, strength, and self-compassion.
thank you for sharing when you do and i’m happy for you that things are getting a little more calm inside. i’ll read this as long as it’s useful for you to share. a burden shared is a burden lessened.
i wish i had lots of specific memories to post. i do have dreams of david – and you and cathryn are usually in them. at least i feel a lot of love in my heart towards all of you in lieu of stories and i send it daily.
sarah
Hello all, welcome to Mulge Baja California. I today find myself one week into my visit here and most of it has been so peaceful and powerfully healing. My camera battery conked out on me so I cannot send pictures at this time, but will soon. I am staying in the apt. that David, DeDe, Luke and Ryan stayed in when they were here. I believe they were last here as a family in March/April for spring break. There are still projects that I see knowing that they had on their list of to dos! The furniture they brought last year fits so nice in both apts. and they have it fully stocked with dishes, utensils and of course food. It appears the only things missing are them and I want to share that I believe that they are here with me as they were in Santa Cruz.
I got a little bit of a visit from Montazuma so was slowed down (in some ways ha!) and so now am just getting into the play and fun paradise they so enjoyed. Yesterday I borrowed a neighbors peddling kyack and paddled 3/4 across the bay, saw a crab swimming on the surface of the water (didn’t know they did that) and a sea turtle came to check me out. I fed breadcrumbs to the seagulls and waited but they did not arrive the dolphins that love to play out there. Later in the afternoon I went for a swim with a friend and the water felt just like I knew it would, just like I had four sets of arms around me. The water was not to hot but just right and so refreshing, and I enjoyed it so much. I wish each of you could be here to experiece this other love of their lives, and I hope to be able to share some of it with you over the next few weeks. I wish I could say the grief is getting better and in many ways I suppose it is, but I want to share that the joy of life surrounds me and reminds me everyday to enjoy it! I wish this for each of you too. God Bless. Linda
WOW here it is just a few more days til Halloween! What a fun holiday that was, with all the special lights, the unique costumes, the eerie sounds and Moms, Dads and all the kids great visit to the quiet neighbors next door to the home of David, DeDe, Luke and Ryan at yes you guessed it the Great Old Cemetary. I have had many share their stories of some of these parties and how much fun they had, it was said by some that “those Houghton boys always had the best and scariest parties”. Well things will be quite there this year with no party to attend, and many of us will look at this day with great sadness at our loss. I would just like to ask that if there are any of you that have a story to share about the fun times and scary times you had at these parties, maybe you will share it with us. I remember one year David and DeDe were dressed as Hershey’s kisses, one silver and one gold…DeDe said she was the one with the nut in it.
I am in Mulege right now and will be here for halloween and I was here one time before and the children here did not celebrate or dress up but they always had so much fun checking out Luke and Ryan. I remember one year the boys decided that it would be fun to do things a little differently, so instead of trick or treating for candy they handed out candy to the other children and even some parents.
On Novemeber 2nd there is going to be a big celebration in Mulege to honor the family members that have passed away. I am going to go and join the celebration and share in the sorrows and memories of the towns people. There will be alters and many flowers. It is said that you are not suppose to attend if you are still sad, but I will go because being sad does not stop the loving memories I have with me always.
Happy Halloween and as you are having fun, remember some of those other good times shared. Love to all, Linda
linda & john,
you have been in my thoughts as halloween and day of the dead have approached. i recall reading that the boys had enviable halloween parties. i’m sure their pals really missed them this year. linda, may the celebrations in mulege bring you joy and comfort. i sent some love to david, dede, luke, and ryan on sunday as i knelt before a beautiful mexican folk art altar in honor of day of the dead. they are not forgotten; nor are all of you.
sarah
Here I am at home after being mostly gone for four months! My home is yelling at me from all directions for attention, but before I start acting on those needs, wanted to take a few minutes and share my time at the Houghton home in Mulege! For those that have never been there I can tell you there is no place that will offer more beauty and peaceful atmosphere. I had only planned to stay two weeks and was there almost a month. The gringos are arriving now from all over the north and most of them had known David, DeDe and the boys, some had just heard of them, but the whole community has been grieving this loss. When I visited in Mulege the mexican friends were so welcoming and free with their hugs and often tears. The memorial brochure was given to a market in the center of town so many of the Houghton friends have visited there to look at the pictures and remember. Children that knew Luke and Ryan gave me hugs and one woman gave me a rosary in love and rememberance of our family. On November 2 was the day for celebrating the dead, a friend Ellen and I went to town and shared in the experience with many families and at the same time carried our own special thoughts. There were many alters set up that you could visit and pay tribute and then there was a celebration, and it was in spanish so I missed alot of what was said (most of it), but the feelings and the spirit were well received and special. I will try to post some pictures or have John do so in a short while, but just got home and wanted to share. I also put together an alter at the house on Playa Naranja (their house is located here and it is about 10 miles south of Mulege). I found a few treasures like a black rock that is a perfect heart on my first day on the beach, I felt it was a sign that love was with me! I also went to the fish fry that is held annually after the fishing tournament. (David and the boys usually took part in the tournament when they were there). A young student at the highshcool carves art pieces out of Gypsum, I found one that I know was meant for me, it is a mermaid lying on a rock and it reminded me of how David always said DeDe was his mermaid, and then on the other side is carved in the shape of a sealion or walrus (I think of it as a sealion,) and when I look at it immediately think of David and can hear his his special call! I added to the alter a mask and snorkel, a Turkey beannie baby to remember always our thankfulness for shared times, books, toys, other things I found around the house that were special to them or something that they had touched. I brought some of the pieces home with me but left the alter there with the family things and a candle so anyone that visits will be able to share in that specialness. At the day of the dead I witnessed and believe how life is a never ending, and I believe that our dear David, DeDe, Luke and Ryan are not gone from us that they have left their physical state but have gone together to a new demension or well I still don’t have all the answers, but I know their spirits are with us and they are watching over and sharing with us. Their love is with us always in our hearts and minds of memories. We all have different beliefs and alot of what I felt does sparing with many beliefs I grew up with. I left with the message (re-affirmed) that David, DeDe, Luke and Ryan shared with us all and that is to live each day with love in your heart, joy in your day and sharing yourself with those we are blessed to share our days with and Live Life To The Fullest Always. Loving thoughts to all who read this and also those that just share in our loss!
Thinking of Dave, DeDe, Luke, and Ryan today. Thank you for sharing your visit to Mulege Linda. Loving thoughts to you too!
Sue
Thank you for the beautiful post, Linda, and for sharing your experiences in Mulege with us. I still think of them all so often and miss them so much.
thank you for sharing, linda.
i just saw the little movie below and was so inspired!
what if all of us who love the houghtons made something like this over the next year, especially over the holidays which will certainly be an intense time for the family? what if we decorated santa cruz on the anniversary of their death and then had a beach gathering the next day, – to celebrate them AND to acknowledge/celebrate that their loved-ones have made it through the first, and often most challenging, year of grief?
http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=2227
if you want to connect with me about this, or anything else: sarahmozelle at hotmail dot com
Thank you as always for sharing, Linda. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of the message they left with us, to live life fully… with authenticity and generosity… and I try to spread that message by example and in words. Love and hugs to you, and best wishes for comfort and peace. Love, Michele
Its Thanksgiving Day, and as we prepare to travel to friends’ and family for the next few days, the Houghton family crossed my mind. Knowing how difficult this day must be for their family that is left behind on this earth – thinking of how much fun the kids must have been on holidays – thinking how important it is to enjoy each moment and appreciate those we have with us. So to those of you we know, Ed, Marian and John, our hearts are with you on this day – and to the others, we feel we know you and are thinking of you as you give thanks for what you do have today. Mark and Roberta Joiner
Here it is a few days after Thanksgiving Day and we are all here probably thinking many thoughts! I spent the day and a few nights in El Dorado Hills with my son Mitch, his wife Cheri and my grandson Grant and my granddaughter Bailey . We all shared this day and gave thanks for our many blessings. We shared great food, played some board games and shared the day. We also all had our moments of remembering and missing the four that will no longer join us for the holidays except through our memories. Though often David, DeDe, Luke and Ryan were gone on an adventure somewhere and not at the table physically, we always looked forward to their return and sharing the pictures and stories they shared. So for me the day was not as important as the memories I have and will always hold on to, knowing there will not be any new ones this year except for our thoughts and pain of our loss. Every year about this time my grandkids and I got together and took a picture for my Christmas cards. My thoughts about this when I initiated it 15 years ago, was that when I was no longer with them, they could look at the pictures and see how much they were all loved by their Nana and how special they were. I never thought that I would be missing any of them. This year that was a sad moment for me, as now instead of five of us there were only three, I just can’t make this right and my trust in life was a little trying emotionally. I will be having my Luke and Ryan in my card this year though differently. They will all live on forever in my heart, my thoughts and my love everlasting. Each was so special and that love they shared warms me just thinking of them. I know that those of you that are still reading the blog had your own thoughts and memories of our loved ones, and I hope that you added them into your memories for this Thanksgiving 2011 and will reflect and remember the times shared, the days of sharing food, laughter and joyful times. Christmas is coming oh so quickly and I am not getting with it beyond spiritually. Have Christmas music playing as I write hoping that I will get more inspired, I know I have never been a big retail supporter so that is not so different, usually the grandchildren were not with me, so I don’t do alot of decorating and much less baking. It would be very easy to let the holidays slip on by, but I will not do that for as I do every year and have since my first child was born, is pulling up the rememberances and sharing the joy, love and happiness that to me are what we all should be sharing always. Thank you again for letting me share these moments with you, I still find it easier to face each day if I can talk to friends and share. I hope that you were all especially blessed this Thanksgiving where ever you were and what ever you were doing. In thanksgiving to each of you. Linda
Halloween was hard without the big Houghton party. That was always so much fun. Last year David and I spent a while tying strings on little donuts for the annual no hands donut eating contest. David was saying it had been a long time since he had eaten one of those little donuts. I asked him how long and he laughed and said, well I guess it has been a year. Then we “accidentally” broke a donut and shared it. Good memories. Good people.
June 15, 2012 will be the 1 year anniversary of the last times I shared with David, DeDe, Luke and Ryan. This week has been very difficult emotionally for me as I relive the moments of that last visit. We all shared dinner together the night of the 13th and that was wonderful as many times when I visited DeDe and David were working late and ate on the run, so to be able to all sit and share this time was so nice and ever so precious now as I remember and it being our last dinner together! On Friday DeDe was able to get away for a few hours and so we took Luke and Ryan to the Boardwalk and they got their season passes for the year that day. They each took a friend with them and the four boys had a great time riding the rides and having so much fun. It gave DeDe and I time together as we watched them and waited between the rides. We shared a oriental chicken salad wrap at the boardwalk and it was delicious! ( I will make that a special meal when ever I can when visiting the boardwalk. ) That night as they decided who would sleep with Nana (they rotated nights but I think Luke was soon growing to old to sleep with Nana), Ryan was the one and he asked me to tell him a story which was one of his favorites ” The Diamond Eye Fish”, which I made up as I told it. Ryan had a birthday party to go to so Luke and I decided that we would go garage sale shopping (a activity we all always enjoyed together for many years), and Luke found his turntable and some really neat old records (classical). I understand that he played them a week later with Uncle John and Gpa Edward on Father’s Day and they had to name the song and the artist! WE also got a couple of succulent plants for Ryan as he was really getting into plants and Bonsai trees! I had to leave that afternoon for a wedding. I would have loved to have stayed and had I known what a difference in all of our lives was about to happen I would have.
On that visit the boys and I went downtown to the silver store and they picked out a toe ring for me, they both decided on the same one that had waves on it which reminded all of us of the ocean and their fun times in the water. I lost the ring at the wedding and was very upset and looked very hard for it. I was blessed in finding a ring exactly like it after the accident and I bought it and wear it on my little finger on my left hand and as I look at it I remember the fun we had that day and am reminded of the love they had for me and me for them. I have been so blessed and am so greatful, even with a heavy heart and some sad tears as I remember and feel the loss so heavily. I continue to feel their presence with me and am actively waiting for each touching, I know they feel my love and I believe they are happy where they are but feel a sadness and such strong love for all of us that miss them so very much and are always remembering them. Love I send to Heaven and Love I send to all that are remembering with me these four wonderful Houghtons! Forever Mom * Nana