The grief is hitting me. I couldn’t sleep until 3am this morning. All I could think about was the family. I was thinking about Luke and Ryan and how they were when I last saw them. I dreamed about them. My brother was standing with them in the doorway of our bedroom. Then I have to remind myself I’ll never see them again. It just seems so wrong. I couldn’t get out of bed and slept until noon. I hope that I can shake this, I have a business to run.
The last conversation I had with Luke was on Father’s Day, June 19, 2011 – we all went over to David’s for brunch with my parents. Luke was a science nerd, which I love. He was getting ready to go to space camp in Huntsville Alabama and was excited about it. It would be his first time traveling alone which he was also excited about. I sat next to him and we talked about hypoxia and the need air pressure when flying at high altitudes. It turns out that if the cabin loses pressure at 40,000 feet, you have about 15 seconds before you pass out. It’s that short because you keep breathing and breath all of your air out, versus if you held part of your breath (but not too much because then you’ll get an air embolism) you would be conscious for longer. This is the kind of stuff 12-year-olds love to talk about.
We then talked about what would happen if an astronaut got bad leak in their space suit. Luke already knew about the bends and decompression sickness, but he didn’t know it applied to astronauts. Luckily, before going in their space suit, the astronaut is placed into a partial vacuum and this buys you more time if your space suit fails because your body has already adjusted to partial vacuum. The vacuum is so the space suit doesn’t over-inflate, rendering them unable to move. I heard an Astronaut say on the PBS show “The Universe” that the vacuum of space is survivable for up to a minute. For those who have watched the classic move 2001, you’ll remember Dave had to go through a vacuum for about 15 seconds in order to get back inside his ship to deactivate HAL.
Luke and I talked about the periodic table of the elements. I know he’s a little scientist so I wanted to quiz him a bit so that a few elements might stick. He knew hydrogen and helium were the first two, then got through a few more here and there. Then he quizzed me, but it’s my strong suit because I’ve got an app that helps me memorize the elements.
Luke was starting to build websites and told me about some of his work at the school. I was telling him that I would love to teach him how to build iPhone apps. I was going to have one of my programmers help out, but the cost was a bit steep to get the extra help. You have to know Objective C to program iPhones – it’s hard stuff and I would need some help teaching Luke. They lived frugal lives and saved money so they could enjoy the things they deemed important. I thought maybe I would scale back by teaching him some easier languages like Python or JavaScript.
John what a wonderful story about our Luke! I am going to have pizza tomorrow in honor of his birthday and have invited Nicco to join me. He came over this afternoon and we shared time talking about Luke and their friendship. You get some rest, it is so important to take care of yourself, even or especially when you are trying to take care of the rest of us. I love you.
Tomorrow will be a tough day – no 13th birthday – but I hope everyone will find a way to celebrate the life that was Luke’s. I may have my youngest grand and youngest great grand and I think we’ll go get ice cream. We’ll think of the four celebrating – even if it’s WITHOUT US. Wednesday will find their earthly remains forever embraced by the sea they love – eternally at peace. Till we meet again.
John, I’m so sorry :’-( I know there are no words that will bring you peace, but I pray you will find some semblance of comfort in knowing we are listening and care.
Hi John,
I enjoyed reading what you had to say about Luke. He is my web design student and was going to be my assistant this coming fall. He was stoked because he was getting PASSWORDS!
I met David and Dede and they contracted me to redo their Aqua Safaris website which is half done. I do not know what to do now.
It has been hard dealing with all this for me. I can only imagine what you are going through yourself. Your posts actually reflect it well. I am sorry for the pain!
I will be at the Lighthouse on Wednesday!
Take care!
James
John,
Today will be a tough day . . . keeping you and all of your family in my thoughts and prayers. I am sure there is a grand celebration in heaven today!! May you find peace in the beautiful memories of Luke and his wonderful, curious, mind. Happy Birthday, Luke!
HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY LUKE
As I sit here looking at your picture I find myself wondering what you are doing today! Here you would have been having a party at least with family and maybe planning something for the weekend with friends. Think you had camp as a family this week on the calendar. Where you are I wonder if July 26th has any specialness for you as it did here on earth. Wonder if you will have cake, presents and celebrate as we did. Maybe you are off on another special adventure! Maybe you are still sharing stories with others. I know that I am missing you and thinking of you. I am having Nicco over for pizza tonight, he reminded me how much you loved the “Pesto cheese” from Costco. Tomorrow we will all be together out on the Chardonay 2 sharing time as we forever place you in the sea you all loved so much. I just feel you will all be near and sharing with us. I wrote a story about you that Uncle John will post today. The sharing of your lives with everyone who loved and cared about you is comforting us all. Til we meet again, know each day you will forever be with me and my love just continues to grow in my heart. Can you hear me singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE! ? Hugs! Nana Linda
dear john,
thank you for being so open with your process/feelings and memories and sharing them. i love learning about david’s sons.
somehow, in your own unique way, you will get through this and your business will survive it all. in the moments when you can’t believe this, know that there are many of us out here holding this vision for you and energizing it with positive energy. and, we’re here to help where/how we can.
grief is the process of accepting the unacceptable. like the ocean, it’s sometimes gentle, clear, and other times pounding, relentless, and unpredictable – flattening you when you least expect it. maybe this metaphor is helpful, maybe not.
hugs,
sarah
Happy Birthday Luke!
Today our family is remembering some wonderful memories of you, Luke.
Last year I remember dropping off Rafael for Luke’s 12th birthday and there were Nerf darts flying everywhere, laser lights and many 12 year olds running around laughing.
We’ve also been thinking about our camping trip we took to the Pinnacles with David, Dede, Luke and Ryan and many of the families from the Two Way Immersion program and how Luke’s keen observations saved us. Juanito’s family had never been camping before and so they asked my son if there were any venomous creatures as they were wary of going. He assured them that he had never seen anything before. One morning all of us were hiking up to a lake and my son doubled back, calling us, “A rattlesnake! Luke almost stepped on a rattlesnake!” Luke was at the front of the line heading down toward the lake when he noticed a small rattlesnake hiding under a rock directly in the path and he almost stepped on it. When we got up the hill, Luke was on top of the big rock, studying the snake below. David and Rodolfo were nearby. I remember getting close and said, “I’m not sure that’s a rattlesnake…” In a second, Luke piped up, “Look at its triangular head and the pattern on its back. It’s a rattlesnake!” Thankfully no one listened to me! Everyone already knew not to question Luke; he really knew what he was talking about.
Luke, today our family sends you birthday wishes and we want you to know how much you and your family will be missed.
Con mucho amor,
The Rivas Family
Pamela, Rodolfo, Rafael and Gabriela
HAPPY 13th LUKE!!!
We are all sad that Luke is not here to share his birthday with us
Dear John,
I have been thinking about you and all of the family non-stop. I have also been dreaming about Dave, Dede, Luke and Ryan. Different dreams each night. I feel like my mind is trying to work around this tragedy until something makes sense, but I know it won’t ever make sense. This lovely, extraordinary family will be with us in our hearts and minds for the rest of our lives, and our lives have been changed by knowing them.
I know this is so very difficult. Our prayers and thoughts go out to you, that you and your family will be able to rest and are comforted by the sweet memories and outpouring of concern and remembrances.
With love, Melody